--untitled. 8/26/09.

could you tell me what i look like?
as a matter of fact, could you tell me what i am?
everyone seems to know who i've been with, spoke with, danced with, locked eyes with, walked with, talked with, and those i despise and --
could you tell me what else you know?
or is it what you think you know?
'cause you can never be too sure.
i'm not an angel; i've done my dirt.
but there you are - there you all are, pointing your filthy fingers at me.
& for what??
to say i'm wrong for doing all of the things you secretly wish you could have done as you strain your index finger while shaking your head in this top secret admiration:
and you know me.
and you know me.
and you know what i'm about.
let me tell you - you have no idea.
you don't choose my path; i write my own damn book.
there you go - walking with pride saying that only one that can judge you is way up there.
now look at you:
spreading my life story like it's mayonaisse on a piece of bread.
get a grip.
and when you do, hold on tight.
you're going to need a firm hand.
as firm as that god-forsaken finger aimed at me.
turn it around at yourself.
saying all of this 'he-said, she-said, i-did, i-cried, i-lied, i-told, i'm-cold,
"i'm heartless."
why?
i don't care about feelings? i use and abuse and boy, do i get around?
isn't that what you said? - is that the name i want to make for myself?
is that the image i want everyone to see when they hear my name?
kalani. kalani.
what comes to your head?
now, i got a lot of things going for me, and oh god, am i appreciative.
i know i'm not this one night stand,
this backdoor whore,
this one time slut,
this my-girl-don't-gotta-know-what-we-just-did kind of hoe.
i hold myself to higher standards,
but thank you - please play again.
because you lost.
lost as much as you are lost.
thinking you know all about me when it's about time you get to know yourself.
and that's the difference between me and you.
you and me.
you walk around pointing fingers and still saying that only god can judge you as you continue to judge everyone else and get judged in return.
and then there's me,
with my hand toward the sky, knowing and truly believing that he is, infact, the only one whose judgment matters.
so continue claiming to know me.
because he really is the only one that can judge me.